Have I manifested this change? Is this something that I've done for myself??
I got the job. I got a job offer!!!
Instead of being dumb over this, I said thank you and asked for 24 hours to consider this. You kind of have to do this after a certain point in your life.
So I did. Before 2pm, I had mentioned to most of my friends and family about this job and there was nothing but support on the idea of me moving on, further away from all we've lived in. It was mentioned that I have nothing holding me here. I have friends, but this was more of the children variety, which, yeah, I do not have human children. My cat children are less than three feet from me just now. This is a wonderful opportunity, which it is. I wasn't enthusiastic about returning to LA. Fact. I was not interested in what I'd be moving back to. Sadly, because of everything, I would have to live with Miguel and I CANNOT do that again. I can't. I'd rather sleep in DeLiloh then go that route again. This statement is dramatic, and comes from a place of privilege, but I this is my truth. Going back there, to that, would harm my mental health beyond description. As I am putting myself first, I cannot and will not be doing this. So there.
I found that the more I talked to people, the more certain I felt about moving on. I feel trapped in this place. I explained that I do feel like I've reached a plateau, job wise, and this is true. (It's much better than saying that these people have decided that with all my knowledge and skills, they prefer to hire outside than promote from within.) I don't care for my first apartment much anymore. Carpet with cats? Fuck me. Crooked windows? Not super cute. Threatening me about the cats? Rude. Annoying neighbors? They'll just keep coming because of the Bay Area transplants. The fact that my rent keeps getting raised? Not ideal. And many more complaints? Yeah. Once you know your worth, you aim to improve your status.
Really, there is nothing keeping me here.
So after discussing everything, and thinking my thoughts and feeling my feelings, I accepted this job at a solid 2:59 pm, and I have no regrets. It was during this conversation in which some details were ironed out, and I learned something new. The latest that they'd like for me to start is in May. Okay. Cool. It's funny. When we had the interview Thursday, I was asked about starting. I was mature and realistic when I said I needed one to two months, mostly because of housing. This is growth and adulting. It was mentioned that if need be, they'd be able to help me with housing, either by writing a sort of employment letter, something to verify that my claims of employment and my reasons for seeking housing in the area are correct. Or reaching out to people they know and ask about the available rentals. Cool. I appreciate this. And it was mentioned that they are excited to work with me. Excited to work with me? Omg. My self-esteem is growing, just a bit. It's nice to be acknowledged for the skills I have, as opposed to pigeonholing me in the position I was hired in. Hello current job.
Just hearing this put a smile on my face. It was a bit of a balm. After this, I became zen about this next step. I was indecisive, at first. Leaning toward a 'yes.' And at the end of the day, it was a solid 'let's do this.' Do I know what this whole journey will look like? I don't, but this is more than okay. Am I excited for the good, the bad, and the lonesome? I wouldn't say 'excited', but more along the lines of I am ready for the challenge. Let's fucking do this.
After work drinks were done, because, of course, my girl still got unceremoniously, and very shadily fired. And it was...memorable. I probably said some inappropriate shit, but my days are numbered in this office. Also, at least I'm being the most real, drunk me, and these ladies seem to have appreciated that. :)
It's a shame to have found this community so close to my exit. I had fun last night. It will happen again soon, because, you know, leaving and yeah.
I woke up hungover, which is embarrassing for me. I still haven't left my bed to be productive. But I do know that I have to start packing today, little by little. It's better to start early than wait for the last minute. So where do I start?