I can't explain it, but at 31, I am still doubting how much of a grownup I am. Is this a dumb sentence? I don't think so. I feel like this makes hella sense to many people, not all my age, all over the world.
Like, somehow, within the last 2 months, I've managed to line up another job, a new apartment, have scheduled to transfer my renters insurance, and my PG&E service (also, fuck them; other people may have forgotten, but I remember the Camp Fire), and now I'm lining up water/sewer service and internet?? Who knew I could be this much of an adult?
Oh, wait, I did. I just forgot.
I, like I suspect many women do, do this thing where I doubt myself. I've done these things before, but somehow, I doubt that I can do them again. Why am I like this? Why do I put myself down like this?
It's stupid, is what it is. I don't know why this mentality has remained with me, despite reaching 31 and not being a failure. Granted, I am not a rich woman, but I have steady employment with benefits. There is a roof over my head, and even though I am in debt, I can still have some fun. (Being an adult is working with what you've got while aiming for your goals.)
I keep doubting myself despite all I've accomplished, and I should really stop doing this.
By the time this post is published, I will have moved. How do I know this? Because despite all my anxieties and self-doubt, I, with the help of family, was able to gather up my life in Lodi and move it.
Welcome to the next stage of my life.